OKay, i need your honest opinion! do u like my almost story?

The wind whistled slowly but surely in the frosty night. Like an easygoing, silent cry. Spherical stones scattered across the pavement as if they were running from the leaves that fluttered to the asphalt and danced across the street. I glanced down and looked into the creek, about five minutes away from my house. I gazed at the creek as the ripples extended throughout the water. Seeing this made special warmth come to my heart but inside I was worried, very worried. I kept trying to convince myself that nothing was wrong and that little feeling inside of worry was just my mind's eye like I usually inform myself after I watch a bloodcurdling film. But this time, it was different I knew it. I had a certain tugging feeling, which made me terrified.





All the sudden while I was admiring the goldenrod, radiant moon and stars, the sound I had been anticipating rang in my freezing ear drums. A scream, a gory scream was coming from within that house, my house. That shriek I could not forget all the time I was frantically running towards the serene and tranquil looking house. I was astonished my weary, tingling legs didn’t give in until I got to my destination. Then a tear trickled down my cheek as slow as a glacier, previous to even realizing what had happened. My heart was throbbing, my hands were trembling, and I could not stop crying. What I saw was a living nightmare.





I touched the sizzling hot front entrance handle, gradually twisted the knob… C-l-c-k the door made a surprising noise when I turned it to the right. I held the door handle for a second and thought about opening that door. Taking my hand away from the knob I started shaking frantically and crying nonstop. But without even making up my mind my trembling, pale hand reached out for the partially polished, rusted door handle once more turned the handle and popped the door open. Liquid seeped into my periwinkle sweater as I tried to stop the tears from running like a faucet down my cheek. A blazing flame heated my entire body in not even a half a second. The warmth brought back memories of sitting on prickly, warmed log in front of the campfire and backing away for the reason that your face became to warm.

OKay, i need your honest opinion! do u like my almost story?
i think its really really good(even if it isnt for something) if this is like a story composition or something i pretty sure ur the only 1 whos going 2 get an A+
Reply:lots of description, but it needs a bit of tidying up, grammar is a bit untidy in places, and jars against the descriptive nature of the earlier section. like this bit:





"A blazing flame heated my entire body in not even a half a second. "





one sentence you are writing like a writer, the next you are talking like a teenager. Where does the heat come from?





I think it's a good start but it just needs a bit of tidying up...





words like "crying nonstop", "got", "tranquil looking", "shaking frantically" need to be rethought, substitute in some better words.





The piece might work well as a monologue but if you are going to write it, try and lose some of the street talk.
Reply:Nope...Many many errors..

elaine